Short-term goals

I have decided it's better to work with short-term goals that are realistic than the end goal.  When I focus on the final product, I get discouraged easily when I hit a bump.  My current goal is to lose one clothing size by New Years Eve.  I tried having a workout partner, but he's not reliable.  It did give me the kickstart to do it on my own.  I don't need anyone else.  I got up, fixed a Herbalife shake and went to the gym.  After the gym I went and bought a NutriBullet at BedBathandBeyond using a coupon.  I then went to Kroger and loaded up on frozen fruit, kale, spinach, chia seed, and flax seed.  I have been wanting to have a way to get those nutrients from greens in my shakes and my magic bullet wasn't cutting it.  I have used it twice already and LOVE it.  It's blends everything so smooth and I'm able to put kale and spinach in my smoothies and don't taste them.

Today I read a really good article with some other superfoods to try.  I can't wait to see if this helps boost my weight loss.

Open letter to Kohl's, Macy's, JCPenney, and Dillard's

I have not gotten new blue jeans in over 2 years.  My last new suit is 4 years old.  I bought a new dress at walmart on clearance in August, but before that it was last year.  I may have bought 4 new shirts this year.  Why?  It seems to me that designers think that a plus size woman must be old, or at least have the fashion of someone 60+.  I am 34 years old and want to dress like it.  I'm single and like to have fun.  My clothes should reflect my personality.  I also have a very curvy figure.  Some might say I have a ba-dunk-a-dunk.  I often have to go up 1 to 2 sizes in pants for them to fit my booty. The problem with that is that it leaves a HUGE gap in the waist band and the pants won't stay up.  It's awful.

I am going to a singles conference with 200 other singles from my faith in Austin, TX this weekend.  Last Friday I decided to go shopping to find a cute shirt to wear (since I have lost hope in finding pants that actually fit). 

First I went to Kohl's (it's close to my house).  I was looking around the 12 racks they have in the plus size "section" and everything looked frumpy or plaid or had horizontal stripes (I'm fat, I don't need my clothes to emphasize it!  Why can't designers make plus size clothes with vertical stripes?  seriously!  It shouldn't be hard).  Everything was just plain and old looking.  There was lots of cute stuff in the juniors & misses sections, but size 18s can't dress cute, I guess.

I then drove across town to the mall and started at Macy's.  I usually have decent luck there.  I looked around and found a cute dress to maybe wear for New Year's Eve, but it was too dressy to wear for my event.  I kept looking and found solids, 80s florals, more solids, horizontal stripes, more solids.  It was depressing.  While walking through the store to leave I saw lots of cute things, but like at Kohl's, nothing for the "fat" people.

My next stop was JCPenney.  I have also had decent luck here in the past (at other locations, not this one).  The Plus Size section had moved and was smaller.  It was more of the same, solids and elderly looking patterns.  I know they have cute stuff in other stores, why not this one?  It's in a college town, lots of young people shop there, so why can't the young plus size shoppers find fashionable clothes?

I decided to try Dillard's, even though I usually can't find anything there.  I went to the plus size section, which had doubled in size (though I think they just put more space between the racks and it didn't actually have more product).  As usual, everything looked old.  The dresses looked to be like 50-something mother-of-the-bride polyester (which was a nice change, I went there a couple years ago and they had no dresses, and after complaining to corporate was told they pulled all plus size dresses from that store - apparently fat people shouldn't wear dresses).  Dillard's was more of the same, styles that looked appropriate for someone over 65 and not a 34 year old single.  They did have some fashionable blue jeans, which was a change, but they wouldn't fit my "curves."

As I walked to my car I almost started crying.  Why do the buyers for these stores think that fat people can't be fashionable?  I know some designers don't make clothes for plus sizes, but lots do, and they are fashionable.  I have been to other locations of these stores and don't have a problem, but every time I shop in my town I leave depressed.  I shouldn't have to drive 30 min to an hour to a different location for find clothes.  Why don't they have cute stuff here? 

In a last ditch effort before stores closed for the night, I decided to stop at TJMaxx.  I walked to the 1 rack of plus sizes and started looking.  I found a super cute Michael Kors top and decided to try it on.  I went ahead and grabbed two sizes just in case.  I walked around to the other side of the rack and decided to see if there were pants.  There weren't many in my size, but I did find 1 cute pair (also Michael Kors).  As I was walking to the fitting room, I passed by the end cap and saw a cute giraffe print skirt.  I picked it up and looked and guess what?  It was Michael Kors.  I took all 4 items to the fitting room.  The pants actually fit!!  They made my butt look good.  There was no back gap!  They were a little long, so the length needs to be tailored, but they fit my booty and waist.  I was ecstatic!  I then tried the top and the smaller one fit wonderfully.  Then came the skirt.  I loved it!  it was super cute and a modest length.  Thank you Thank you Thank you Michael Kors for designing for the curvy plus size woman!!!!  Thank you Thank you Thank you TJ Maxx for selling his designs!

I know for a fact that both Macy's and Dillard's carry Michael Kors in "normal" sizes, but why not plus size?  I know they probably do in some stores, but they weren't in my local store.  Why?  I live in a town of 125K people, 2 universities, 1 community college, and is 30 miles from 2 major metropolitan cities.  We aren't small.  We deserve to dress cute just as much as people in other cities.  The designers make the clothes, but you won't sell them to me without me having to drive 30+ miles each way and pay tolls.  I deserve to look cute!  I shouldn't have to block a half day to travel to shop when there is a store 5 miles from my home.  Something needs to change!

So clearly

So clearly I failed.  I'm fatter.  The last few months have been pretty self destructive for me.  I did not do myself a favor by spreading myself to thin.  I thought I was just keeping myself busy.  My kids and I have been consumed with football and soccer, which sounds healthy, right?  Well, it didn't leave time for cooking (and sometimes cleaning).

I feel awful about myself.  Lots of self loathing going on over here.

My options...dwell or move forward.  I'm choosing to move forward.

Avocado

I LOVE LOVE LOVE avocado!  I never count it's calories when I eat it because of all the benefits it has.  Here is an article that gives more information on how awesome it is and why YOU should be eating it every day.

Fatkini

Check out this article on the new "fatkini."

67 days...

My friend commented on my facebook wall today.  All it said was "67 days".  I had many emotions about that number: shock, frustration, sadness, and motivation.  What had happened?  We planned a trip to Mexico in August.  It was meant as a goal trip to work on ourselves and have a treat at the end.  If all had gone right I would have been walking the beach in a bikini (which has been stored under my bed for the past 5 years).  As it stands now, I have lost around 10 lbs.  That's not enough to get me where I wanted to be in 67 days.  Where did the time go?  What have I been doing?  How did I lose my focus?  I vow, here and now, to re focus myself.  Many things have been going on in my life to put exercising on the back burner, but no more.  I have to focus on me.  I can't come 2nd, or 3rd, or 4th anymore.
I WILL stop looking at those next 67 days with upset and look at it with motivation.  I will still hope for a bikini.  I won't be upset if it doesn't happen, as long as I gave it my best effort.  I want to be healthy.  In shape.  Ready for whatever is about to be thrown at me. 

Slacking

I have really been slacking lately.  Between having bad days, being super busy, and asthma issues.  I'm really not happy about it.  I have a goal trip.  Basically my goal is to lose 10 pounds per month until my trip in August.  That would mean a total of 50 pounds and I would be able to wear all my summer clothes that I haven't worn since 2009.  I know I can do it if I make the time and stay focused.  I am doing the Les Mills Pump program.  It has me doing weight routines & cardio 3 days a week, cardio 2 days per week and 2 rest days built in.  I have wanted to do something more than just walking on a treadmill or elliptical machine in the gym.  Last night I decided to fire up my wii and play a few games.  What started as dancing to a few songs on the Black-Eyed Peas Experience turned into a few more songs on the Michael Jackson Experience and a 25 min workout routine on Just Dance 4.  In total I was "dancing" for over an hour.  It was really fun and I got a great workout.  I was able to get my heart rate up and had to turn on the fan to cool me off.  I think my dogs thought I was crazy.  lol.  When I started I had walked less than 2000 steps for the day.  When I finished I was up over 8000 (my daily goal).  2000 steps equals one mile.  I'm so glad I figured out a fun way to get in my cardio.  I'm also glad I live alone and my dogs can't talk or laugh at me. 

Girl Scout Cookies

I ate my heart out in girl scout cookies...now I feel terrible.

Thankfully...tomorrow is a new day.

My enemy...the scale.

So here's the deal.  Today I completed my 19th day of Insanity (I know if you see my Facebook it says 18, but that's before I worked out today.  I got on the scale at the beginning of this journey that I'm on but I haven't been on it since.  I'm scared.  No really.   There is NO way that I haven't lost weight with how hard I've been working out and how well I've been eating.  I know that I gain weight when I start a work out program because of muscle, but by now I should have lost some...the thing I'm afraid of is that my weight loss will only be a pound or two.  I should be happy about any weight loss, right? Wrong.  I think that even though I KNOW that this is a process and it will take time...I want immediate results.  I am not in any way expecting immediate results, but I don't want to be discouraged by that number on the scale.

The good...
I measure myself every Thursday.  I lost inches and I'm happy about it.  REALLY happy about it.

It's going to be a GOOOOOD year!

SWs Diet

Healthy food consumption has been my biggest problem my entire life.  Even when I'm working out I still don't always eat health.  There are many reasons for this.  I live alone and it's hard to cook for one without throwing tons of food away.  It's expensive (because of quantities sold in store, I have to over buy and throw out food).  It's time consuming.  I live a pretty hectic life and need quick fixes.  I have a sweet tooth, a really really bad one.  I don't really like that many vegetables.  I'm super picky.  This past week, I dedicated myself to eating fresh healthy foods (no processed foods) and preplanning my meals.

For breakfast & dinner, I drink a Herbalife meal replacement shake (I am a distributor & love it!).  I have a variety of different shake flavors and add things to them (like powdered peanut butter or fruit) to change up the flavors.  This helps get me a healthy meal while curbing my sweet tooth. 

For lunch, I have decided to have my main meal of the day.  This is because I can eat more and feel full to make it through the second half of the work day and my workout after work.  I am only shopping in the outer edges of the store to buy things to eat for lunch.  I'm using fresh veggies to make salads and sides, cooking lean meat, and stocking up on fruits.  When I do have to go out for lunch I look at nutrition information and pick items with grilled meats, fresh veggies (not cooked in butter/oil), no white sauces, and if there is a tortilla I ask for corn instead of flour (I am in Texas, afterall).

I am also eating 2-4 snacks each day.  These are usually fruit like grapes, blueberries, or a banana, or a small serving of almonds or roasted soy nuts (I know these aren't paleo, but they offer alot of healthy protein).  I also have herbalife snack bars on hand for when I'm on the go and need something (I carry 1 in my purse).

After doing this for 1 full week and tracking all my foods, I got on the scale this morning to find I'd lost 6.4 lbs in 1 week!!!!  I'm super excited!  Even with being sick and only working out 2 days, I was able to drop that much!  I really can't believe it.  I'm excited to see what I do when I have a full week of going through my workout plan. 

6.4 lbs!!!

Warm Spinach & Sweet Potato Salad (with BACON!)

I went to a cooking class at a new grocery store in my neighborhood, Natural grocers, a couple weeks ago and they made this recipe. It's paleo. It's healthy. It has bacon!! It's delicious!

Salad:
3 cups peeled & diced sweet potatos
1tbsp coconut oil
8 strips of bacon, diced
2 leeks, thinly sliced
6 oz fresh baby spinach (the store was out so I used baby romaine instead)

Dressing:
1/4 cup olive oil (can use half bacon grease)
1 tbsp apple cider vinegar
1 tsp spicy brown mustard
Fresh ground black pepper to taste
1tbsp dried basil

Preheat oven to 400. Toss the diced sweet potatoes with coconut oil and spread evenly on s baking sheet. Bake in preheated oven for 20 minutes.
While the sweet potato is baking, cook the diced bacon in a large skillet. Once the bacon is crispy, add the sliced leeks & sauté for another 4-5 minutes. Put the spinach in a large salad bowl and add the bacon/leek mixture. Toss well, letting the warm bacon wilt the spinach. Add the sweet potatoes to the salad and toss together. In a separate bowl whisk the salad dressing ingredients. Pour over the salad, mix well.

Fitness test 2

I really wanted to post my fitness test results from the Insanity work out. These are my comparisons from day 1 to day 15
1.  Switch Kicks 62/75 (I'm not sure if they count every single kick in the video or not, I count right then left as one, not right one, left two, right three, etc...not sure if that makes sense)
2.  Power Jacks 48/56
3.  Power Knees 74/91
4.  Power Jumps 26/37
5.  Globe Jumps 10/12
6.  Suicide Jumps 12/13
7.  Push-up Jacks 7/15
8.  Low Plank Oblique 30/49
I am SO pleased...the biggest result I could tell his my cardio endurance. (I've also lost a combined several inches all over my body)

Fighting the Flu

I started feeling sick with a sore throat Tuesday night and woke up with what seems to be the flu yesterday morning. I had some, but not much food at home. I had been doing really well tracking all my food intake and calories and am determined not to let being sick stop that progress. This morning I went to the store to get some medicine and stocked up on fruits (blueberries & grapes), lettuce, and baked chicken so that I could still have healthy meals and snacks. Normally I would have just ordered pizza delivery. I just hope I can start working out again soon!

20 Fitness Tips from the Experts

Click here to read a great article with 20 fitness tips.  I think I could follow all of them except the first.  I just can't bring myself to like grapefruit or oatmeal.  lol.  Go check it out and let me know your thoughts.

Tools

When trying to lose weight, there are hundreds of tools that can help in the process.  I'm gonna tell you about two that I use and L.O.V.E.

First is my Body Media LINK arm band.  Click here for more info.  I wear the armband daily, only removing it to shower.  It tracks all my movement and is able to calculate how many calories I'm burning.  It also tells me how much Moderate and Vigorous Activity I do and how many steps I take.  I can set goals in the program so that I can monitor where I am in relation to meeting my individual goals.  The information links to my phone in real time via blue tooth technology and is also stored in an online platform after syncing with a usb cable.  It's a great help for me to be able to see and track what I'm actually doing during the day.  I can tell if I've been sitting too long and need to get up and walk some.  Just knowing how much I do has caused me to increase my activity.  Without it, I didn't realize how sedentary my life really was.

The second tool I use is My Net Diary.  Click here for more info.  While I could input my caloric intake into the bodymedia app, I prefer to use a separate platform for that.  I'm not sure why, maybe I'm weird.  I have this app on my iPhone and iPad and can also input the information online.  All locations I use link together, which is nice.  I input information about myself, my goals, etc and it forms a plan and sets a plan to go by for eating.  It has a large database of foods and allows you to enter foods not already there.  You can add foods to your log by scanning a bar code, searching the database, or looking through your favorites.  It divides it up per meal to show where you are putting your calories but also shows you a break down for the day and what nutrients you consumed, kinda like a food label for your day.

I didn't realize what all I was putting into my body until I started having to write it down.  Both of these tools help with accountability but also with realization of what exactly you are doing to your body.  As you can see below, yesterday I consumed 1649 calories while burning 2863.  This gives me a deficit of  1214 calories toward my weight loss.  Every 3500 calories burned is 1 lb., so I'm well on my way to losing at this rate.



This is my Nutrition Summary for Monday, January 28, 2013 in the MyNetDiary iPhone app.

This is my Daily Summary for Monday, January 28, 2013 in the BodyMedia iPhone app.

I am sore to the core.

I still feel pretty good.  I have to admit, my work out was only 20 minutes long yesterday.  I started Day 5 of Insanity and starting wheezing halfway through it.  Normally I would just take a puff out of the good ole inhaler, but...I COULDN'T FIND IT.  I ended up finding it at about 11:30 pm which was quite a relief because I wouldn't be able to fall asleep easily through the wheezing.  I also considered getting up early this morning to either restart or finish the work out.  I decided that I would just move on to Day 6 tonight.  I'm pretty happy with it all so far.

Something I'm not happy with...I can't fit into all of the cute clothes I bought last year because I had previously lost SOOO much weight.  No need to fret...I'll lose the weight again...and never find it again.

JELLO

My legs feel like jello.  I would use the words "hurts so good" to describe how they feel.  Today will be my 5th day of Insanity.  I'm working on my diet (the first day or two weren't so hot) and today, so far so good.  Endorphin rock.

I can tell I already feel better about myself.  I'm sure I haven't lost weight.  I'm sure I haven't lost inches.  But I thoroughly believe that working out is good for all aspects of life, not just physical.

Protein

One thing I've learned in my weight loss battle is that protein is important.  There are many reasons for this, 1) it keeps you full longer, 2) it helps rebuild muscles, and 3) it helps maintain lean body mass.
I got an email the other day from Kashi with a link to find out how much protein I need every day based on my body.  Click here to go to the page.  I found out that my ideal protein is between 93 and 175 grams per day depending on how active I am that day.  93 would be on days where I am sedentary and up to 175 on days when I am very active.  I would usually try to hover in the middle based on my normal activities, but rest days would go down. 
What is your ideal protein amount?

Goals

My bloggin' buddy is a more consistent blogger than me.  I'll work harder and do better.

I just feel like I'm only supposed to write about doing well, not doing poorly...and I've done poorly.  Really though, I should write about it all...I want this to be um...raw.  I want to remember my failures to push me to do better and so I can see how I've improved.

I love Beachbody products...I've spent a lot of money on them and I actually don't regret it.  I really believe in the products...but I also believe I actually have to USE them!  In the videos or whatever they always say "push play"...And...I'm happy to report that I've pushed play for the last 3 days.  Small successes right?

Obviously my long term goal  = weight loss, maintained weight loss, a healthier life, and a happier life.

1 year goal = Run a half marathon

6 month goal = 50 lbs by August 1st.

Immediate goals (for this week) = Posting pictures and measurements...maybe meal planning?  (I REALLY believe that preparation is one of the keys to success)

Rewards and motivations = NEW CLOTHES...MEN?! (not really but we can pretend?)...Looking smokin' hot on a trip with awesome people to Cancun!

I LOVE YOU ALL!

Fattism: discrimination on the basis of weight, esp prejudice against those considered to be overweight

I had some pretty horrible things happen to me in the last week.  Here is a synopsis:
1. a girl, we'll call her Jamie, said "I would rather die then to be fat. Vain sure but it's not worth the pain and suffering that comes with obesity."
2.  I said, " I'm sad for you that you'd rather die than be fat. If I thought that way I would have died in high school. I have suffered from obesity most of my life. The only way it hinders my life is in dating. I can do everything else. Even workout. Which I do. I got 2nd degree burns on my foot in high school & the sudden stop in activity caused weight gain. I've had a difficult time since then. It'd be selfish of me to choose death over facing this trial, dealing with it, & continuing to fight it. I know I am beautiful just the way I am. But I am always working for more."
3. Jamie said, " I sure hope one day you experience the liberating feeling it is to she'd the fat person trapping you in life!"
4. Then she said, "You have an amazing intellect but you are so blinded by the culture [your] church. You have a beautiful face but sorry few men will look past that if you indeed are seeking to marry."

So basically, I need to "shed my fat" suit in order to find a husband?  I don't understand how a person like this can be so cruel to a person, especially a person on an online forum that they've never met.  A person who is a member of the same church, a Christian church.  Where in the words she said was she behaving in a Christlike manner?  When did it become ok to be an online bully?  The things she said were very cruel.  More was said, that I left out, but those were the important parts.  

The questions this makes me ask are 1) why are people like that? 2) what can I do so that when people do say those things they won't effect me in a negative manner?  3) what can I do for that person so that they won't unleash their bitterness on others like they did on me?

That night I was pretty upset.  So upset I went an got pizza for dinner.  That's not what I need to help me get healthy, but sadly that's what happens.  In the days since these things were said, I have done pretty well keeping motivated.  Today I walked 2 miles around my town and also did a 30 video with weights.  I'm so ready to get this week off on a positive note and leave behind all the fattists. 

Tracking

After watching the 2nd episode of the Biggest Loser and seeing them do a fitness assessment, I decided that I should do one.  There were a few reasons for this, 1) so that I can track my improvement as I work toward my goal, 2) so I can compare myself to where other people my age are, and 3) as another tool to help keep me accountable and to see results (especially when I hit a plateau).  In searching for them, I found adultfitnesstest.org, which is a website supported by the President in his efforts to fight against obesity.  On this site there are directions for doing all the different sections of the test, a form to fill in your results, and once you input your data, it will tell you where you are compared to others your age.  Click here for the instructions and click here to submit your results.

I wasn't really surprised by my results.  I know I am very far off from where I should be, but I also know I am extremely flexible and weight has no bearing on flexibility.  Here are my results:

I plan on doing this assessment every 2 months to track my results.

It's my BIRTHDAY!

For most people the holidays are a time when it's tough to eat healthy and continue to workout.  For me, that extends to the month of January.  I love to get free stuff.  When it's your birthday, you get lots of free stuff.  My birthday is 10 days after Christmas.  Sadly, this year, my Papa passed away on my birthday.  What became a hard time of the year became harder with the time spent with family.  Usually, when my family gets together, we eat.  When we eat, it's usually not healthy.  AT ALL.  I have to focus on trying to find healthy options even in those times when I am with a large group and don't have many choices. 
Tonight I am going to dinner with some friends.  I got a coupon for $30 off a meal at Benihana.  I can't not use it, (well I could, but really?) but I have to option to eat healthier than normal.  Instead of a soda or mixed non-alcoholic drink (they make good ones and I don't drink) I'll drink water.  Instead of getting fried rice (made with yummy butter), I'll get white (or brown if possible).  I will ask them not to use butter on my steak.  These are all going to impact my day and are a way to eat healthier than I normally would.
On a different subject, my family had our first family pictures taken in over 6 years in December.  When we got the proofs back, I was embarrassed.  I shouldn't look like I do.  There was one in particular that I really don't like.  Don't get me wrong, the photographer was amazing, but she can't change what I look like.  She took a picture of the family from behind as we walked down a railroad track thingy.  I was right in the middle of the pic (left to right) and my butt was right in the middle (top to bottom).  That was all I could see when I looked at it.  To be honest, it disgusted me to know that's what people see.  I am going to put that picture on my mirror at home to remind myself what I look like and what I need to fix. 

my WHY?

Why do a blog like this?  For me it's partly about accountability for myself and partly about helping motivate others.  This morning when I got on the scale I weighed in at 253.4.  Yesterday it was 257.4.  I don't believe I really lost 4 lbs in 1 day, but I do think that water contributed to that decrease.  I workout at the fitness center at my college alma mater about a mile and a half from my house.  Last September I decided I'd stay home and workout there, after all, I have a weight bar with 2 10lb and 4 5lb weights, a bosu ball, resistance bands, 3 kettle bells, a wii, and numerous fitness dvds and video games.  Needless to say, that didn't work and 20 lbs later, I'm worse off than I started.   I went and renewed my gym membership yesterday and rock climbed and did the elliptical for 1 mile last night.  I know I can do more, but I didn't want to over do it the first day back after so long.  This is a new beginning for me. 
As a child, I was very active.  I grew up in the country and would play outside almost everyday.  I loved the swing set my dad made, climbing trees and fences, running down the super long driveway, riding my bike, and playing hide-n-seek in my dads shop.  When i was around 12 and hit puberty, I started putting on weight, though I had always been larger than most my age.  As I look back now, I wasn't fat, but I sure thought I was.  I started in gymnastics when I was in 2nd grade and did that for a few years.  When I was in 6th grade a friend asked me to play soccer with her and since my mom only let me do one sport at a time, I quit gymnastics and started soccer.  We quickly became the top team in our age group and won championships for our division.  It was a great time.  I played until my senior year of high school.
When I was a sophomore, I got 2nd degree burns on my foot and could not play for a while.  At the time I had been playing year round for several years, between 2 rec seasons, 2 indoor seasons, and a school season each year.  The sudden stop in play caused me huge weight gain.  After I recovered and was able to play again, my body wasn't the same and I continued to gain.  In the year after the injury I gained 2 clothing sizes and was an 18.  I am still an 18. 

My smallest in recent history front & back

I have been as large as a 20 and as small as a 14 in the 15 years since high school, but for the most part I have been a consistent 18.  My last year of law school I had a personal trainer and was able to lose 60 lbs.  I was under 200 for the first time in recent history.  After moving home and not having a job to pay for a gym, I started gaining.  I held it to about 10-20 lbs at first but over the last 4 years have gained it all back.  I have been successful before and I know I can do it again. 
I have made a plan of what I am going to do and will post that here.  I will also post my accomplishments and pitfalls.  I will post pictures to show my progress.  The goal is to get to a healthy 150 lbs.  Doing this at a rate of 2 lbs per week, it should take right at 1 year to get to my goal.

1-9-13

Please join me on my journey to weight loss.  

All my life

It seems like all my life I've been told that I would be SO pretty if I could just lose weight.  Thanks?

My first body image memory is from a birthday party in third grade.  We were playing in a friend's sprinklers and we all had our bathing suits on.   I wouldn't take my shirt off over my swimsuit because I thought I was fat.  Really?  In third grade? 

Was I bigger than most of the girls?  Yes, taller too...but fat...no.  This body image stayed with me through out my teenage years, and young adult years.  I'm not saying that I have been unhappy but this negative self has definitely had a negative impact on my life when it comes to relationships or even just finding jobs.  I got myself into an unhappy marriage and I gained about 70 lbs (Pregnancies did contribute to it but the depression made it hard to lose the weight).  I have lost that 70 lbs and some but I am not wear I need to be...and I have fluctuated in the weight gain and weight loss.  

For me, this blog is about accountability and hopefully success.  It will also show our trials.  

Here's to 2013...

 

SW Personal Fitness Plan for 2013